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  • Writer's pictureJulie Tenner

Female arousal is completely different to what we're taught

When I ask couples โ€˜what is sex?โ€™โฃ

What I invariably hear is, itโ€™s ๐Ÿ†in๐Ÿ‘.โฃ

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When I ask men in my workshops โ€˜๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜จ?โ€™, 100% of men answer โ€˜๐—ป๐—ผโ€™.โฃ

When I ask women this question, 100% say โ€˜๐˜†๐—ฒ๐˜€โ€™.โฃ

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When I ask men in my workshops โ€˜๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜น๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถโ€™๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ โ€˜๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จโ€™ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต โ€˜๐˜จ๐˜ช๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜จ๐˜ฉโ€™?โ€™ 73% of men answer, โ€˜๐—ป๐—ผโ€™.โฃ

86% of women answer โ€˜๐˜†๐—ฒ๐˜€โ€™.โฃ

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In the couples I work with, sex is usually over once the ๐Ÿ† has ejaculated.โฃ

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Both men and women perform for the ๐Ÿ† to get it up, keep it hard and feel desirable.โฃ

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Foreplay is considered the thing you do to get to โ€˜the main showโ€™.โฃ

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Both men and women run beliefs around:โฃ

โŒ touching the ๐Ÿ‘ early on = arousal โฃ

โŒ going straight for the nipples = arousalโฃ

โŒ๐Ÿ’ฆwet without much time or effortโฃ

โŒ that itโ€™s a hard ๐Ÿ† that makes her ๐Ÿ’ฆโฃ

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๐—œ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€ex ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐Ÿ† ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฐ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฑ - ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐˜† ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐Ÿ†, ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐Ÿ† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐Ÿ† ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ณ๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฒ๐—ท๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ.โฃ

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Itโ€™s not your fault. Itโ€™s not anyones โ€˜faultโ€™. But it is important to recognise the system youโ€™re a product of and begin discussing with your partner if thereโ€™s anything you want to change.โฃ

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Because FEMALE arousal looks completely different.โฃ

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