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  • Writer's pictureJulie Tenner

What to do when you don't feel feminine enough

We all get here, even me! But the trick is to recognise ‘oh I’m missing my feminine’ rather than ‘I’m not feminine’. So when you find yourself here, here’s my go-to’s:


Our trauma patterns, self-sufficient-no-needs beliefs and constant doing, tend to be a way of keeping our feelings and truth at bay - it’s easier to go fast and go hard, than it is to go slow and feel. So brig back gentleness, with yourself first.

Literally slow down.

Slow down your walking speed - even through your house.

Slow down how fast you eat.

Slow down your speech.

Slow down your mind.

Slow down your breath.

Slow down your ‘harshness’ - in your own mind and in how you see others.

Slow down your ‘hardness’ - what do you need to enter softness in this moment?…each moment at a time.

Slowing down reminds you to feel. It brings you into contact with how you feel, what your heart has to say, what your body wants you to know, what your soul needs you to listen to.

Slowing down and seeing your need for speed for what it is - protection and armour - allows you to experience more peace, presence and heart-centric days.


Environment first - at least that’s what I find easiest to do first, knowing I’ll soften and then be ready to take it ‘closer’.

What can you do to bring sensuality - the senses - into your environment?

  • light candles

  • clean up a space you’re in a lot so it feels good to you

  • add in beauty to your space - what items have you feeling as you’d like to here?

  • music that sets your vibe

Your environment will ‘vibe’ with you - so what is it reflecting to you? Beauty? Love? or something else? Change your environment to change how you feel.

Then, when you’re ready, allow yourself to change your personal ‘environment’ - your body.

What can you wear that has you feeling as you’d like to?

  • lingerie

  • clothes that you feel…

  • shoes

  • paint your nails

  • do your hair

  • look after your skin

You can care about your body and beauty by exploring it within yourself and your environment. Chuck out all the rules. Let yourself follow how you want to feel.


Listen to something you love while you cook something you love.

It can be a meal just for you, for you and your partner or for your whole family - but the point is to create a sensual experience (via taste) of really feeling the food and the love - just for you!


Often when you don’t feel feminine enough, you don’t feel seen or met. You feel like you’re taken for granted and ‘dried up’. You want to be seen and cared for, but you’re pretty convinced you only give, you don’t receive. So blast that scarcity BS out by sending out the exact thing you think is missing and receiving what comes back to you.

Text 5 friends and tell them what you love/appreciate about them and what the difference is they’ve made to your life.

Text 5 friends and ask them to tell you what they see and appreciate in you, as you’re trying to work out your genius and see yourself through a different lense.

Write a love note to your lover.

Write a love note to yourself.

Ask yourself what feels out of alignment in your life - what do you want more of?

  • Connection with friends or community?

  • Connection with partner?

  • intimacy?

Then ask yourself - I reap where I invest, so how do I want to invest in these areas of life so I receive more from them?

Do a random act of kindness.

Go out for coffee with a friend and focus on beaming so much love to them - really listen, see and feel them - and watch how you feel about yourself afterwards.


For some of us, journalling feels wonderfull. For others of us, it feels like torture! That’s okay! You don’t have to journal to access your ‘higher self’. You just have to feel good for ideas and inspiration to flood your mind, heart and body.

So what can you do that has no direct purpose, but feels really good to do?

Some ideas are:

  • basket weaving, knitting, crotchet, painting, or other creative pursuit

  • sun-baking

  • walking in nature

  • gardening

  • sleeping, resting

  • shower, bath

If you want help to explore more your own feminine, check out QUEEN SCHOOL.

You may also like to check out my article on 5 THINGS TO GIVE UP TO BE MORE FEMININE

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